Bye Bye Miss American Pie

You may think this title a strange one for Mother's Day but the song is about saying goodbye and I think moms have to do it a lot. Mommies say goodbye when their little one goes to preschool, kindergarten, and eventually college. We say goodbye to morning naps, crawling, throwing food (this may come later depending on your child :-)) and diapers. Lots of good and natural goodbyes...

This post, however, is for the mommies who are mommies in their hearts. And because they had to say goodbye before they met their little one or they are praying for that day when they get to hold their little one, they wait. And today is hard. Their heart aches only like a mommy's heart can. This mother's goodbye is the one that has struck me most today.

This year, I'm one of these mommies. A year ago this week I found out that we'd have another little one. We would have 3!! Were we rady? Hardly. We were shocked... Shocked at first. But then as the weeks passed and sonogram pictures were printed and heart monitors thumped to the little rapid beats, we grew quite attached to our little person. Baby Choo-choo, as named by his big brother. We would sit and talk about what it would be like to have another tiny baby around. He/she would be born in winter, what would that be like? What would we have? A boy or girl? We had decided we wouldn't find out.

So much hope and excitement thinking about being a mommy again. Then the 16 week appointment came. Our little Choo-choo no longer had a heartbeat. All that hope and promise froze in an instant. And since that day, I have felt like a part of me is gone too. I've talked to quite of few other goodbye mommies. Each has had their unique process to move on. I think part of my process of healing is just to say that I loved that little life and it blessed me more than I can comprehend.

Today, I am proud to be a mommy of 3 with only 2 that I get to hold here on earth. And a deep-soul hug to all you other goodbye mommies out there.

Closing with a photo of my two boys... although we won't know until we meet Baby Choo-Choo in heaven, I think he was a boy. My boys.